Downtown Memphis Blog

Could you guys do me a favor? If it’s a weekend, could you please drive downtown, but don’t go anywhere. Oh no, jebus forbid you spend money and contribute to the local economy. Instead, just drive around. Go as slow as you can, use the major throughfares. Sit at green lights. Swerve around so as to take up both lanes. Actually exit your car and bootydance in the middle of fucking Union Avenue when I’m just trying to get to the store to buy a 12er of Newcastle before they stop selling alcohol at 3. Fuck it, you aren’t in a hurry. I mean, you aren’t even going anywhere. The destination is the drive. You’ve all the time in the world. If possible, put the loudest exhaust imaginable on your shitbox, and rev the fuck out of it. Rev it like your warranty is up tomorrow, and you want a new engine out of it. Rev it like it’s your exgirlfriend’s car.

But most importantly, please, PLEASE turn your system up all the way. I love the way it shakes my windows. I really get off on hearing your ghetto shit pumped into my apartment at all hours, because the point is not to listen to your shitty music, it’s to make other people listen to your shitty music.

XOXO - Sig