Yes, we get it. The other guy is a fag lovin’, gun hatin’, edumacated baby killer, who wants to set all criminals free, and you hate fags and love babies until they commit a crime, at which point you will kill them, while you masturbate not only ON your gun but WITH your gun. Oh, and you’re a dumbfuck common man simpleton too, despite what your law degree says.

That’s great, really it is, but since winning a political race in Mississippi is like being crowned prom king at the special needs school anyway, I’d really appreciate it if you would stop screaming at me about the important issues. You know, not letting gays marry and making sure women can’t get abortions. Can we please give MS their own goddamn TV stations so I don’t have to see this shit anymore?

Let’s be honest, do you really want to be the candidate that the majority of the citizens of Mississippi agree with? You’ve won the consensus of the statistically dumbest state in the union, congrats. You’ve performed an amazing limbo in lowering yourself just a bit lower than the other guy in order to capture that hardcore asshole moron faction. You sir, should be proud.

All the candidates are fairly well educated, so they all know they’re pandering to the fucking morons. They all know they should be saying, “How about we leave gays and women who want abortions alone, and maybe focus on economic development? Why don’t we work to bring our standard of education up? How about we work on getting talkin’ pictures and indoor plumbing?”. But they’re not. They’re going to play the Tard Card and get all the rednecks riled up about how the gays are gonna convince them to fuck other men and domesticated animals and household appliances and marry their neighbor’s lawn furniture, which they will impregnate, then those crazy socialist with the big words will come abort their mantoastergoatbaby against their will and dance around a fire chanting against Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, Jr. Or is it the third? The whole trinity thing is still unclear to me…

The degree to which they’re willing to pander is sickening. I suggest everyone write in Hunter S. Thompson, get as drunk as possible, and hope you wake up to find it was all a bad dream.

Dogs fucked the pope, no fault of mine.